I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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