W. C. Fields Quotes

American - Comedian January 29, 1880 - December 25, 1946

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. - W. C. Fields

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Smile, Day, Humor, Start, Every Day, Get

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. - W. C. Fields

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

Man, Money, Rich, Poor, Poor Man

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Water, Food, Live, Nothing, Prohibition

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. - W. C. Fields

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Funny, Food, Wine, Sometimes, Cook, Even

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

Pet, Down, Cheese, Clever, Cat, Rat

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

Live, Fish, Dead, Remember, Swim, Float

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

Life, Woman, You, Rest, She, Impress

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday. - W. C. Fields

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

Think, Sunday, Year, Philadelphia, Once

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. - W. C. Fields

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

People, Horse, Sense, Betting, Thing

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

Man, Turn, Popcorn, Over, Pancakes, His

Top 10
W. C. Fields
Quotes

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. - W. C. Fields

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

Woman, Me, Drink, Her, Decency, Even

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

Snake, Always, See, I See, Keep, Case

I drink therefore I am.

I Am, Drink, Am, Therefore

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

Success, Fool, You, Succeed, Quit, Damn

I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia will do.

Die, Paris, Will, See, Like, Before

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull. - W. C. Fields

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

You, Them, Bull, Brilliance

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

Cry, Never, Milk, May, Over, Because

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

Water, Trust, You, Straight, Stick, Even

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

Home, Drink, Worry, Never, New Year's

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. - W. C. Fields

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Hate, I Am, Equality, Free, Everyone, Am

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.

Today, Drink, Only, Real, Ahead, Two

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

Head, Both, Pocket, Favorable

I must have a drink of breakfast.

Breakfast, Drink, Must

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree. - W. C. Fields

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Women, Crazy, Doubt, Only, Question

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. - W. C. Fields

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

Small, Snake, Always, Carry, Whiskey

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to. - W. C. Fields

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

You, Answer, Call

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