Spike Milligan Quotes

Irish - Comedian April 16, 1918 - February 27, 2002

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

Funny Speak I Can Like Native

We reach a secondary road and - here comes the bonus - we pass the Temple of Neptune and Cerene, at Paestum, both looking beautiful in the sunlight. Strung from the Doric columns are lines of soldiers' washing. At last they had been put to practical use. If only the ancient Greeks had known.

Beautiful Looking Road Soldiers

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

Father Dad Me Influence

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

God Light Wait Electricity

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Funny Tree Sit Sure Cure

We come across thirty or so hurried graves with makeshift wooden markers. 'Private Edwards, E.', a number, and that was all. Fourteen days ago he was alive, thinking feeling, hoping... If war was a game of cards, I'd say someone was cheating.

War Game Thinking Cheating

Is the modern social pattern of unending change and movement the cause of two modern diseases, insecurity and dissatisfaction? How lucky Thomas Hood was to be able to write, 'I remember, I remember the house where I was born.' I don't even know what mine looked like!

Change Insecurity Lucky Remember

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

Thought Reading Never Why

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

You Going Come Use

It's all in the mind, you know.

I have resigned from the human race. Look at the way we treat animals.

Look Treat Way Race

Things began to improve when I went to Rangoon. To begin with, my father was promoted, which meant he was at home more. The matriarchal society was ended, and for the first time, I went to a boys' school.

Father Home Time School

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

Health Body Year Old

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Happiness Money You More

I don't think of depression as contagious. Other depressed people challenge the idea - which can be very persistent and irritating - that there is something odd about you: that you are unique with regard to this wretched state.

Depression People Challenge Think

You couldn't enclose people in institutions or hospitals or almshouses in the way the Victorians managed to do. India was too big. Seeing the suffering people was terrible, but I think I was more distraught at the needless cruelty to so many animals.

People Think You Suffering

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.

Me Singing Joke Years

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Happy Money Me Chance Prove

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Funny Army Long Foot

One important thing I recall about India was that it was quiet. It was never noisy in the way that life was noisy in London.

Life India Important London

The night before Tilbury, the Cordon Bleu gourmet dinner turned out Cordon Brown. Six out of ten to the chef for trying and ten out of ten to us for eating it.

Night Chef Dinner Eating

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Every Used Should Occasion

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

Perfect Anything Working Order

The experience of being in the Army changed my whole life; I never believed that an organization such as ours could ever go to war, leave alone win it. It was, as Yeats remarked of the Easter Rising, 'A terrible beauty.'

Life Beauty Alone War

Thankfully, we didn't stop at Malta. I think Malta was thankful, too.

Thankful Think Stop I Think

It was implanted in me that I came from a different class - an elevated class. I was cushioned by servants. I don't remember doing anything for myself. I only played and went to school.

Myself School Me Remember

Loading...

Load more quotes

Related Authors

Rodney Dangerfield

BrainyQuote

BrainyQuote Desktop

BrainyQuote Mobile

Site

Quote Of The Day

Social

BQ on Pinterest

BQ on Instagram

Apps

iPhone/iPad app

Quote Of The Day Feeds

Javascript and RSS feeds

WordPress plugin

Quote of the Day Email

About

Copyright © 2001 - 2019 BrainyQuote

Language: Español | Français

Please disable your ad blocker

OK