Spike Milligan Quotes

Irish - Comedian April 16, 1918 - February 27, 2002

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic. - Spike Milligan

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic. Spike Milligan

Father, Me, Influence, Profound, He, Had

We reach a secondary road and - here comes the bonus - we pass the Temple of Neptune and Cerene, at Paestum, both looking beautiful in the sunlight. Strung from the Doric columns are lines of soldiers' washing. At last they had been put to practical use. If only the ancient Greeks had known. Spike Milligan

Beautiful, Looking, Road, Reach, Temple

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy. - Spike Milligan

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy. Spike Milligan

Money, Happy, Me, Chance, Prove, Ask

We come across thirty or so hurried graves with makeshift wooden markers. 'Private Edwards, E.', a number, and that was all. Fourteen days ago he was alive, thinking feeling, hoping... If war was a game of cards, I'd say someone was cheating. Spike Milligan

War, Game, Thinking, Someone, Cheating

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. Spike Milligan

Happiness, Money, You, More, Buy, Bring

I don't think of depression as contagious. Other depressed people challenge the idea - which can be very persistent and irritating - that there is something odd about you: that you are unique with regard to this wretched state. Spike Milligan

Depression, Challenge, People, Think

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke. Spike Milligan

Me, Singing, Years, Joke, Laughing, Many

It was implanted in me that I came from a different class - an elevated class. I was cushioned by servants. I don't remember doing anything for myself. I only played and went to school. Spike Milligan

Myself, School, Me, Doing, Remember

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. Spike Milligan

Funny, Tree, Sit, Sure, Cure

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. Spike Milligan

God, Light, Wait, Electricity, Said, He

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge. Spike Milligan

Health, Year, Body, Old, Eighteen, Keep

I can speak Esperanto like a native. - Spike Milligan

I can speak Esperanto like a native. Spike Milligan

Funny, Speak, I Can, Like, Native

The night before Tilbury, the Cordon Bleu gourmet dinner turned out Cordon Brown. Six out of ten to the chef for trying and ten out of ten to us for eating it. Spike Milligan

Chef, Dinner, Night, Eating, Trying, Out

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion. Spike Milligan

Used, Should, Every, Occasion

Is the modern social pattern of unending change and movement the cause of two modern diseases, insecurity and dissatisfaction? How lucky Thomas Hood was to be able to write, 'I remember, I remember the house where I was born.' I don't even know what mine looked like! Spike Milligan

Change, Insecurity, Remember, Hood, Born

Driver Shepherd and I had been detailed to drive Lt. Budden in the Wireless Truck. We had been standing by vehicles for an hour, and nothing had happened, but it happened frequently. Spike Milligan

Truck, Drive, Nothing, Shepherd, Driver

I am afraid that, like Timon of Athens, I just cannot let go of my friendships. Spike Milligan

I Am, Go, Afraid, Let Go, Athens, Just

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order. Spike Milligan

Perfect, Anything, Order, Working, Worn

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs? Spike Milligan

You, Going, Come, Use, Quietly

I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens. Spike Milligan

Want, Dying, Afraid, Just, Happens

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it. Spike Milligan

Hands, Prove, Right, Friendly, Still

It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't. Spike Milligan

Marriage, Perfect, Want, She, He

You couldn't enclose people in institutions or hospitals or almshouses in the way the Victorians managed to do. India was too big. Seeing the suffering people was terrible, but I think I was more distraught at the needless cruelty to so many animals. Spike Milligan

People, Suffering, Think, You, Seeing

I have resigned from the human race. Look at the way we treat animals. Spike Milligan

Treat, Look, Animals, Way, Race, Human

May 8th 1943. Deluge. The rain not only fell mainly on the plain in Spain; it also fell mainly on the back of the bloody neck, dripping down the spine into the socks where it came out of the lace-holes in the boots. Spike Milligan

Rain, Boots, Back, Down, Socks, Out

The lunacy continues and has every chance of becoming a way of life unless we stop it soon. Men are getting so used to wars that the psychiatric wing of the RAMC are planning how to break the news to the men when the war is over. Spike Milligan

Life, Men, War, Chance, Planning, Stop

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