Spike Milligan Quotes

Irish - Comedian April 16, 1918 - February 27, 2002

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic. - Spike Milligan

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic. Spike Milligan

Father, Influence, Me, Profound, Lunatic

We reach a secondary road and - here comes the bonus - we pass the Temple of Neptune and Cerene, at Paestum, both looking beautiful in the sunlight. Strung from the Doric columns are lines of soldiers' washing. At last they had been put to practical use. If only the ancient Greeks had known. Spike Milligan

Beautiful, Road, Looking, Reach, Temple

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. Spike Milligan

Funny, Tree, Sit, Cure, Sure

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. Spike Milligan

Light, God, Wait, Thursday, Electricity

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge. Spike Milligan

Health, Body, Year, Old, Keep, Fridge

I can't stand being late. I try to be professional. I try not to let people down. But people let me down. That's why I don't rely on anyone to call me. That's why I have clocks as well as people. I have to be able to call myself; it's the only way to be sure. Spike Milligan

Myself, People, Me, Stand, Professional

I have resigned from the human race. Look at the way we treat animals. Spike Milligan

Treat, Animals, Look, Race, Way, Human

When I get depressed, I try to get something for the terrible sadness that comes over me and create something in terms of poetry. Spike Milligan

Poetry, Sadness, Me, Create, Try, Over

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. Spike Milligan

Happiness, Money, You, Misery, More, Buy

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy. - Spike Milligan

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy. Spike Milligan

Money, Happy, Chance, Me, Prove, Ask

Is the modern social pattern of unending change and movement the cause of two modern diseases, insecurity and dissatisfaction? How lucky Thomas Hood was to be able to write, 'I remember, I remember the house where I was born.' I don't even know what mine looked like! Spike Milligan

Change, Insecurity, Remember, Know, Hood

I'm a hero with coward's legs. Spike Milligan

Hero, Coward, Legs

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion. Spike Milligan

Used, Occasion, Should, Every

I can speak Esperanto like a native. - Spike Milligan

I can speak Esperanto like a native. Spike Milligan

Funny, Speak, I Can, Like, Native

It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't. Spike Milligan

Marriage, Perfect, She, Want, He

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine. Spike Milligan

Reading, Thought, Why, Never, Poem, Mine

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs? Spike Milligan

You, Going, Come, Use, Quietly

You couldn't enclose people in institutions or hospitals or almshouses in the way the Victorians managed to do. India was too big. Seeing the suffering people was terrible, but I think I was more distraught at the needless cruelty to so many animals. Spike Milligan

Suffering, People, Think, Animals, You

We come across thirty or so hurried graves with makeshift wooden markers. 'Private Edwards, E.', a number, and that was all. Fourteen days ago he was alive, thinking feeling, hoping... If war was a game of cards, I'd say someone was cheating. Spike Milligan

War, Thinking, Cheating, Game, Cards

For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string. Spike Milligan

Iron, Hand, Years, Foot, Finally, String

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven. Spike Milligan

Funny, Long, Army, Foot, Five, How

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it. Spike Milligan

Hands, Prove, Right, Friendly, Still

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke. Spike Milligan

Singing, Me, Years, Joke, Somebody, Many

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order. Spike Milligan

Perfect, Working, Anything, Order, Worn

It's all in the mind, you know. Spike Milligan

Mind, Know, You

I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens. Spike Milligan

Dying, Want, Afraid, Just, Happens

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