Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

George Carlin Quotes

American - Comedian May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008

See also: Quotes about George Carlin

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. - George Carlin

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. George Carlin

Funny, Weather, Tonight

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. - George Carlin

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. George Carlin

Moon, Silent, Nights

Electricity is really just organized lightning. - George Carlin

Electricity is really just organized lightning. George Carlin

Funny, Lightning, Organized

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. - George Carlin

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. George Carlin

Monkey, Town, Cause

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. - George Carlin

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. George Carlin

Sweat, Things, Sweaty

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin

Inside, Person, Disappointed

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. - George Carlin

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. George Carlin

Funny, Die, Roof

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. - George Carlin

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin

Funny, May, Confused

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin

Driving, Faster, Ever

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. George Carlin

Top 10
George Carlin
Quotes

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin

Money, Fired, Most

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. - George Carlin

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. George Carlin

Beat, Beaten, Arrange

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. George Carlin

Two, Floor, Tequila

Atheism is a non-prophet organization. - George Carlin

Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin

Organization, Atheism

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. George Carlin

Candy, Bar, Toilet

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin

Seat, Ticket, Freak

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam. George Carlin

Bible, Dawned, Read

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin

Death, Church, Idea

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. George Carlin

Believe, Authority, Pope

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. - George Carlin

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin

Communication, Concealing

When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day? George Carlin

Always, Impatient, Got

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done. George Carlin

Existence, Some, Very

'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? George Carlin

I Am, Longest, Sentence

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. George Carlin

Think, Say, Desperate

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. George Carlin

Never, Looks, Area

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. - George Carlin

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. George Carlin

Future, Past, Immediate

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