George Carlin Quotes

American - Comedian May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008

See also: Quotes about George Carlin

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. - George Carlin

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. George Carlin

Funny, Weather, Dark, Forecast, Tonight

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. - George Carlin

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. George Carlin

Wolves, Moon, Silent, Only, Nights

Electricity is really just organized lightning. - George Carlin

Electricity is really just organized lightning. George Carlin

Funny, Electricity, Lightning, Organized

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. - George Carlin

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin

Funny, Evil, Confused, House, Way, May

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. - George Carlin

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. George Carlin

Pet, Sweat, Petty, Things, Sweaty

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. - George Carlin

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. George Carlin

You, Circus, Monkey, Back, Mean, Got

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin

Driving, You, Idiot, Going, Faster, Than

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin

Person, Inside, Cynical, Disappointed

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done. George Carlin

Time, Fire, Job, People, Enough, You

Atheism is a non-prophet organization. - George Carlin

Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin

Organization, Atheism

Top 10
George Carlin
Quotes

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. George Carlin

Chocolate, Eating, You, Know, Candy, Bar

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. - George Carlin

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. George Carlin

Funny, Person, Always, First, Left

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. George Carlin

People, Believe, Authority, Just, Many

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. George Carlin

Know, Only, Going, Did, About

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin

Live, Bad, Reason, Christmas, Because

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin

Purpose, Me, Defeat, She, Said, Would

Always do whatever's next. - George Carlin

Always do whatever's next. George Carlin

Always, Next, Whatever

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. George Carlin

Three, Two, Floor, Tequila

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin

Work, Money, People, Enough, Quit, Paid

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. - George Carlin

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. George Carlin

Family, Night, Restaurant, Argument

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin

Together, Death, Church, Enough, Own, Up

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. George Carlin

Listening, Someone, Always, Realize

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on? George Carlin

Travel, You, Mean, Get, Before, Does

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. - George Carlin

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. George Carlin

Funny, Soul, You, Die, Belief, Up

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. George Carlin

Work, Time, People, Go, Dream, Never

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. George Carlin

People, Care, Think, Say, Desperate, Who

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