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Top 10 George Carlin Quotes
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Find George Carlin on:
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George Carlin Quotes
American
-
Comedian
May 12
, 1937 -
June 22
, 2008
See also:
Quotes about George Carlin
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
George Carlin
Funny
,
Weather
,
Dark
,
Forecast
,
Tonight
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
George Carlin
Wolves
,
Moon
,
Silent
,
Only
,
Nights
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
George Carlin
Funny
,
Electricity
,
Lightning
,
Organized
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
George Carlin
Funny
,
Evil
,
Confused
,
House
,
Way
,
May
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
George Carlin
Pet
,
Sweat
,
Petty
,
Things
,
Sweaty
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
George Carlin
You
,
Circus
,
Monkey
,
Back
,
Mean
,
Got
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin
Driving
,
You
,
Idiot
,
Going
,
Faster
,
Than
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
George Carlin
Person
,
Inside
,
Cynical
,
Disappointed
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
George Carlin
Time
,
Fire
,
Job
,
People
,
Enough
,
You
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
George Carlin
Organization
,
Atheism
Top 10
George Carlin
Quotes
View the list
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
George Carlin
Chocolate
,
Eating
,
You
,
Know
,
Candy
,
Bar
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin
Funny
,
Person
,
Always
,
First
,
Left
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
George Carlin
People
,
Believe
,
Authority
,
Just
,
Many
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
George Carlin
Know
,
Only
,
Going
,
Did
,
About
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
George Carlin
Live
,
Bad
,
Reason
,
Christmas
,
Because
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
George Carlin
Purpose
,
Me
,
Defeat
,
She
,
Said
,
Would
Always do whatever's next.
George Carlin
Always
,
Next
,
Whatever
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
George Carlin
Three
,
Two
,
Floor
,
Tequila
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
George Carlin
Work
,
Money
,
People
,
Enough
,
Quit
,
Paid
The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
George Carlin
Family
,
Night
,
Restaurant
,
Argument
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin
Together
,
Death
,
Church
,
Enough
,
Own
,
Up
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
George Carlin
Listening
,
Someone
,
Always
,
Realize
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
George Carlin
Travel
,
You
,
Mean
,
Get
,
Before
,
Does
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
Funny
,
Soul
,
You
,
Die
,
Belief
,
Up
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
George Carlin
Work
,
Time
,
People
,
Go
,
Dream
,
Never
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
George Carlin
People
,
Care
,
Think
,
Say
,
Desperate
,
Who
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